What is a death doula?
I believe that in our deathphobic culture, the death doula is a soul activist that understands that to love something well means to love it in all of its stages: it’s seeding, it’s sprouting, its bloom, and it’s inevitable decay.
A death doula (sometimes referred to as an end of life doula or death midwife) is an individual that assists with the transition of a soul from this life to whatever is next. The death doula is not a hospice worker, but works in tandem with hospice and medical teams to fill gaps that currently exist in end of life care. A death doula provides emotional, educational, and spiritual support to the dying individual and their family in order to promote the best death possible.
The death doula serves to normalize and demystify the dying process so that families and dying people experience less fear, anxiety and resistance to the process and their grief. The death doula lovingly guides all parties through the emotional complexity and spiritual quandry that death calls up in all of us.
The death doula does this by advocating for the wishes of the dying, helping facilitate compassionate closures, providing grief support, assisting in creating legacy projects when desired, planning vigils that reflect the dying individuals wishes, and holding space and witnessing the death process itself.
Why death work?
Because of my unique history and experience with suicide, I suppose it was inevitable that my journey would lead me back to healing my relationship with death.
For me, as it is for many who do this work, it felt like less of a choice, and more of a calling. Once I heard the term “death doula”, it felt like a lie to not become one. Despite not knowing much about what was involved, somewhere deep in my soul I knew exactly what this was. Through the Anam Cara Academy and practicing as a death doula, I have come to revere death and honor it. I see now how knowing death well necessarily breeds a full life. It demands that we do not waste a single second living outside of our truth. And I see how death is just another opportunity to serve people, to love people, and to help them heal.
I see how incredibly important it is that we make friends with death, that we be comfortable in the room with death, because this allows people to live well right up to the end. This allows people to feel seen and loved, arguably when it matters most. And I see how by not ignoring the inevitable, dying individuals and family members are able to plan, process grief, and tie up loose ends that provides all parties more peace.
Why Hire a Death Doula?
You have received a terminal diagnosis and feel lost or confused.
You are afraid of death.
You wish to consciously use death as a spiritual experience.
You need assistance with end of life planning.
You would like help facilitating compassionate closures with your loved ones.
You are interested in learning a greater relationship to surrender through use of meditation and breathwork.
You are needing support in planning of vigil, creating a legacy project, or processing grief.
You are simply drawn to it and are not sure why.